Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Tired of being 'not good enough'
Am tired!!! Tired of trying too hard... trying to give my best.. trying to be good enough... But may be I am not good enough... will I ever be good enough...
Am never gonna be good enough.. am I?
I am not good enough for my parents no matter how hard i try.. inspite of the fact that I gave up my dreams for their simple wishes of how they wanted me to be.. I live evry single day hoping that atleast they will be happy for wat i do... but how much can i try... i rather give up, u kno... cos i end up being a loser both ways... their expectations just keep increasing... and my dreams get killed each single day... I just cannot be good enough for them, n thats the simple fact/truth!!!!! I wish they knew how i felt... but gosh, how many times do i gotta tell them!!!
I can never be good enough for my friends... I am tired of being 'unspecial' .. tired of being so unaware.. so ignored.. so kept away.. n so thrown out!!! I cant force ppl to tell me things... i dnt wanna try hard,.. i cant force them to love me... I cant tell them to care!!
I guess i deserve to be ignored and thrown out...
May be its my bad karma as they say...
But where am i bad?? Wher am i going wrong???
I give my best.. I give them evrything I got... BUT,
I cant keep giving and giving and not gettin anything in return.. even I am human after all.... I am tired of giving.. and I am tired of waiting to be loved!!!!
I hate my life in evry sense.. i hate this world... all the love seems to have got erased, i just feel like a dead bird!!!
life is just draggin on absurdly.. i live without hope....and if am talking all smiles, you should know that am faking it for sure.
I dont blame hope... it stayed with me as long as it could... well, after all... Hope loses patience too!!!
I am living a life minus the dreams... oh, that prolly qualifies to be called hell..I tried standing up and trying to walk.. but each time, again n again, i fell!!
I do not blame the world .. I blame myself.... dealing with depression regret and agony... i dont need anyone's help!!!
I know my place now... I can handle the reality...
But that doesnt mean i will change.. i will remain the 'not good enough' me!!!
cos as absurd i may be, i am very true to myself and others
I talk abt bitterness... not abt happiness and flowers
I know how to deal with this world.. and I kno I will do it
hopefully the lamps of HOPE someday, will once again be lit!!!
I am gonna be good enough.. for myself.. only for ME and not for anyone else it would be!!!!!!
PS: am sorry for the depressing post and video... but its just one of those times, when i had to write this!!!
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12 Expressions:
I don’t know what made you depressed/sad today but after reading your post the first thing that came to my mind is that – ‘our life can never be just our life but it is associated tightly with others too’.
I know, most of us would have felt similar way at some point of time due to whatever reasons but again that doesn’t mean that it pointed to the ‘not good enough’ part. Probably it’s just that a bad timing and you know, time never remains the same it keeps on changing …
Hey, gal ! cheer up, everything will be fine. You have the best thing in you that keeps you true to yourself and others. And don’t forget the smiles, because the happiness and love you can give away is the only one that you can keep with you.
And I want to see your next post subject line to be – ‘Not tiered being good enough’
Smiles :)
Hey Alok, I am already smiling.. thanks to your comment :)
I realise that the care n concern our lived ones give us is not the way we want,.. but in their own beautiful way!!! and thats the reason we sometimes feel that we are not loved the way we want to be.... or cared in the way we feel is perfect care.. but that doesnt mean they dont love us..of course they do!!!
And I am an optimistic person.. and I would do anything for the ones I love :)... I wont give up... My happiness would always be secondary to theirs :)
I may be tired a lil' but that doesnt mean I will ever give up.. cos that will never happen!! be rest assured abt that :)
Three Cheers for the human spirit...:)))))))
Hugs for Alok and Diva...and me too....Jadoo Ki jhappi.... :))))
To be real frank and I more happy reading the comments than the actual blog...YaY!!!! :)))
HUGS to you too deeds... :) luv yah!!!
Too short a life...Too much things to do...some aim heights...some dream of heights...some reach there "literally"...others "practically"(yupp...trekking..!!!)...
still there r few others who go on dreaming of heights.(zzz)..
As far as I am concerned...one is a happy lad when he wins someone's heart n brings smile n joy 2 lives...
Since...wen v return 2 Abraham's bosom...v carry nothin...
How dare u think u ain't gud enough...? U've already gifted smiles...i 'smile' when i find a nice luvin visit from thee 2 my blog...c alok, smriti(yupp...her smile is a bit bigger...seems..)
Nithin, every point you made here is so very true....
Happiness can never be a personal thing.. It has to be shared or felt together with someone, bringing smiles and joy in each others lives... :)
I guess I should be lucky to have spread smiles then... in ur life and others... wat bigger happiness than this can i feel :) :) :)
Life is short.... lets spreach happiness while we can.. shall we :) :) (This is a line from my old blogpost http://divasdreamworld.blogspot.com/2008/03/secret-of-happniess.html )
the article was really well written
...i really enjoyed reading it.
....will defenetly read all ur posts...
“In the East, many thousands of years ago, it was believed that every person on Earth was a god. But humankind abused their powers, so the Supreme Lord decided that he’d take it all away. The question then became where he would hide the godhead—the source of all human talent, potential, and glory. The first advisor said, ‘Why don’t you dig a hole deep in the ground and place the godhead in there?’ ‘No,’ replied the master, ‘eventually someone will dig deep enough and find it.’ The second advisor then spoke. ‘I have an idea,’ he said. ‘Why not put this source of all human power on the top of the highest mountain?’ Again the master refused. ‘No. Someone will eventually scale that mighty mountain and find it.’ Finally, the third advisor commented, ‘What if you place the godhead at the bottom of the world’s deepest ocean?’ The master replied, ‘No, someone will dive down into the ocean and discover it.’ The master then paused and reflected. After a few moments, he spoke knowingly: ‘I have the solution. I will place this source of extraordinary power, magnificence, and glory inside the heart of every man, woman, and child on the planet, for they’ll never think to look there.’”
Thanks for that beautiful and inspiring story Vishnu.. It made me smile for a long long time...
:) :) :)
We all have beautiful hearts inside, but most of the time its our brains that rule us.. and sadly, thats where we all humans falter!!!
I wish I could make people realise that its all about the heart... n not abt the mind.. I will try :) :)
Thanks once again :)
I take it you are all right now... I do fathom that it was written when you were depressed, but I would just like to tell you something (oh yeah, here comes the boring homily again!)
* Good/Bad is relative... And parents will be parents. I can quite relate to what you say there. So much so, my friends back in school, once told me on the face- "Karthik, your parents place a hell-load of expectations on you. Boy, am I glad I don't have that at my place!" This was in my seventh standard... And there have been instances before... But what can we do... We have to strive to meet their expectations. The only thing we can do, is to praise ourselves...
We have to be the source of our encouragement... And when that happens, you won't ever feel frustrated again. In other words, it's similar to building an attitude. Not any disrespect and stuff... you just pump yourself up...
Being a loser... Personally... I feel one should treat victory and loss with equanimity. Because... When you lose, ou still gain something. You gain 'experience'...
"I cant keep giving and giving and not gettin anything in return.."
--- I understand you are human dear. We all are... Ll keep it simple here. Gita 2.47
And I do believe in good/bad karma... All your actions are recorded in Nature...
"i live without hope"
--- Hope was the only thing 'good' that came out of Pandora's box. I suggest you read that story. But ll tell u this. You lose hope, you lose everything. And ya, hope does not lose patience. It is the person...
"I tried standing up and trying to walk.. but each time, again n again, i fell!!"
--- Read "King Bruce and the Spider"...
"i dont need anyone's help!!!"
--- of course you do... What are [true] friends for?
"I am gonna be good enough.. for myself.. only for ME and not for anyone else it would be!!!!!!"
--- When you start being good to yourself, everything else will fall in to place. Trust me.
Peace.
Hey Divya,
Cant agree more on ur 1st 2 paragraphs..
Haath milao....;)
-Raghu
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